MISSOULA — Sometimes, the most important conversations we can have involve topics we don’t really want to talk about — such as money, politics, or death.
We recently went to have coffee with a group of people who are talking about some of life’s scariest issues. It was the last Thursday in August and about a dozen people were enjoying coffee and talking about death. This is Death Café.
Maurika Moore — the CEO and owner of Hestia Advantage, a locally-owned hospice and palliative care provider — told MTN, “I think it’s something we all want to talk about but don’t often get to."
The Death Café was founded decades ago. Now, there are meetings worldwide to create a safe space to talk about all aspects of death and dying. Its objective is "to increase awareness of death to help people make the most of their (finite) lives."
A Death Cafe is a group-directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes. It is a discussion group rather than a grief support or counseling session.
The group meets once a month at Clyde Coffee in the Missoula Public Library where they tackle a topic that’s often frightening to merely think about — much less talk about.
“Our hope is that people really want to share their stories about end-of-life and how it’s affected them and what has changed them in that process," Moore explained. "I think people are often looking for meaning in death and what does that feel like for them after they’ve lost somebody who they really loved.”
“And there are practical pieces, too, she says. Advanced directives or planning or home funerals or how is it that you want to facilitate that for yourself or a loved one so it can be anything," Moore continued.
The group at this first meeting was diverse with people curious about what their own death might look like, spirituality, fear of the unknown, or things that can't be explained. No topic is off-limits.
“People are really hungry to talk about it. Anyone that I brought the invitation to talk about death to, they’ve been really excited and tenderly joyful to engage in a conversation about death," said Emma Jaqueth, who is a Spiritual Coordinator.
It’s a group where it’s safe to talk about the dark places where fear of death might lurk in our minds or even the joy of believing in the beyond. Normalizing these conversations can bring peace or even just a deeper understanding of what's to come.
“Somehow, we’re taught to stand back and away from death. So, this is one of those pieces where we want to encourage people to get into that mystical piece, too, if they’re curious," Moore told MTN. "We talk about how everyone creates meaning in a different way without any judgment about what that might look like. We want people to be talking about it so that will make it all the better.”
“None of us are getting out of here alive, we all know we have a finite time on this planet and so we might as well live the best we can while we are on this planet and I think that’s the biggest thing about the Death Café and taking about death how can we live well so we can die well," Jaqueth said.
The group meets the last Thursday of the month at Clyde Coffee located on the ground floor of the Missoula Public Library. It’s free and all are welcome.
You can learn more about the Death Cafe at https://deathcafe.com/deathcafe/14592/
